Breach Of The Peach

All I wanted was someone to love me. Is that too much to ask? Huh? Really? WAS IT TOO MUCH TO FUCKING ASK? You think I love Daisy? Really? Who.... WHO COULD LOVE THAT PRISSY BITCH? Her legs are more firmly and cruelly closed than the OJ Simpson case. I have needs, y'know? Luigi has his needs. That's why I... Did those things. It's DAISY'S FUCKING FAULT. I saw Peach first, you know that? I saw that bitch and was about to pull my fly fukken moves on her when suddenly "A-hey! Check out the floatin' umbrella on THAT piece of choice fukken ass. C'mon, skinny, let's-a-go, I'm gonna give her a taste of my 1-Up Mushroom and NO mistake". That's right... Mario... Fukken MARIO takes my woman from right under my nose. Within seconds he's brutalising her Warp Pipe and she's fukken loving it. LOVING IT LIKE A WHORE! He fucked her ass so hard she was squeezin' out toad-stools for a months, the disgusting cumslut. Mario knows, too... He sooooooo fukken knows how hot I am for Peach, too. When I stay over, he's in the next room, bangin' her extra loud so me and my frigid bitch have to hear. And he's slammin' her so hard against the wall so it's THUD THUD THUD, "OOH, OOH, OOH", SLAM SLAM SLAM, "SORRY MARIO, BUT THE PRINCESS IS IN ANOTHER ORIFICE" and I'm sporting a massive fucking hardon and Daisy won't do SHIT to it.

So, I'm stuck with Daisy, a frigid, fucked up reject to Peach's hotness. She can't even have fukken kids! One of the few times I got it up the bitch, she had "problems", yeah problems called a COAT HANGER JAMMED UP HER CUNT! STUPID BITCH! I KNEW WHAT IT WAS DOING! IT WAS HER FAULT SHE SQUIRMED AND ENDED UP PUSHING HER ENTIRE WOMB OUT OF HER CUNNIE! At least I had something differenct for dinner, but that's besides the point. The point is, because she fukken made me slip, the bitch will NEVER sire me the heir to the green throne. The fuck was I SUPPOSED to do? Wait for her to magically grown another baby bag? Of COURSE I'd start fucking everything that moves before coming home and beating her with a question mark block!

But this is all.... all that pink pussy slut's fault. If she'd let LUIGI get a bite of Peach instead of that dirty fucking little wop faggot dickstain cockmunching shitkicking little fat midgetine lump of corset wearing poosnacking nippleknocking cuntfuck dicklicking shagnasty and muttley watching produce of a fucking dirty rancid quivering mound of AIDS infested cancer roasted cumdrinking elephant foreskin, then maybe I'd be a little bit nicer. But NOOOOOOOOOOOO, I'm not ugly, fat or red enough for that disgraceful, vulgar slut, am I? She had to take up with the fukken Saddam lookalike and ignore this lean, mean, green, young hunk of bubbling Italian studliness. I am the absolute pinnacle of human conditioning and yet... and yet she goes for someone who was played by Bob FUCKING Hoskins, the "It's Good To Talk" shortass?!?!?!?!? FUCK NO! HOW DARE SHE PASS ME OVER FOR THAT COCKSICKLE STAND?

If I had my way, I'd fuck that bitch with a cheesegrater strapped to my dick, shredding her pussy up to create the most grim noir period of all. I'll be strangling that bitch too, and every time she thinks unconciousness will provide her with sweet salvation, I'll let go. That would be fukken sweet. I'd cut off her nips with a rusty blade and jam pencils into her tits, then just slap her for good measure, stupid bitch. Then I'll put on a frog suit and give that bitch an underwater fucking the like of which she'll never forget! But I won't let her drown, nah, I'll drag the slut back up right before she passes out, red clouds expelling herself from her watery cunt like she's farting her very life out of her flaps. I'll drag her to the shore and uproot a turnip like in Mario 2: The Return Of Jafaar, and I'll shove it in her mouth. What? Too big for your mouth? I DON'T CARE! YOU'D BE USED TO IT IF YOU HAD A BIGGER COCK TO SUCK ON INSTEAD OF MARIO'S BABYDICK!

She's choking, muffled screams filtering through the root of her own destruction and blood's starting to gurgle out from her cracking jawbone, and I'm laughing my head off 'cos it fukken rocks, and I can actually see her throat expanding and the little Turnip's screaming 'cos they were alive and shit and so it's a scream inside of a scream and it's the most demented thing ever but it's fukken hilarious. And I leave the bedraggled old fuck truck on her back, naked, beaten, bloody and dead, with a turnip slowly drowing in the blood in her oesophagus. That'll teach her to choose the right brother to dip his winkie in her.

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