Luigi Vs Mario

Greetings Morphorumites,

As many of you may be aware, I recently chose to step away from my atheist beliefs and began to follow a religion that offered me a future that I could look forward to. Four short weeks ago I converted, and began to live my life according to the laws of Luigism, the faith of those who follow the teachings of our lord and saviour Luigi.

It was as a Luigist that I was able to partake in one of the most remarkable situations of my life. Several nights ago our Lord and Saviour, Luigi the First, met the fallen angel, Mario the Fucked, in a battle of wits, intestinal fortitude and determination. It was a battle of the ages, and one that will be spoken of for eons to some.

These mighty gladiators (well, one gladiator and one obese Italian) fought in the time-honoured, and traditional battle once known as "Adamanteus Classicus". Yes you read that correctly, Luigi beat the living daylights out of Mario in a hardcore match at WrestleMania 19 and a half.

I'll try to recap the night's amazing events as best I can.

WrestleMania 19 ½ - "The Mario-Powers Explode"

The Main Event: Mario Vs Luigi





The crowd exploded as the theme music of the classic Mario Brothers game filled the arena. An almost deafening chant of "Lu-I-Gi" broke out among the thousands in attendance, as we waited in anticipation of the challenger, and rightful king - Luigi.

The crowd noise rose to an unbelievable level as Luigi strutted onto the stage brimming with his own version of ruthless aggression. Being in his presence was an amazing experience; he seemed to radiate energy, a vibe completely unlike anything I had experienced before. Around me in the crowd women began to quiver with excitement and pleasure. Several young impressionable women dropped to the floor in sexual ecstasy once they lay eyes upon the god who goes by the name of 'Luigi'. I also spied several grown men and one skinny young man, who were supporters of Mario, begin to shake uncontrollably, and seemingly wet themselves in fear as Luigi came into view.

Truly he is a god among men.



As Luigi made his way into the ring, he waved to the crowd several times, each time causing more and more women to lose themselves to the warmth of his majestic aura. Once Luigi entered the ring, he turned his attention to the referee and shook his hand warmly, proving that he is one of the last true sportsmen in a field of pugilistic cavemen. Unfortunately, Mr. Hebner mistook this as an act of aggression, and scurried from the ring like the vermin he is.

Once again the theme of the Mario Brother's filled the arena, however this time, the reception of the crowd was drastically contrasting to the brilliant ovation that Luigi received. The sounds of bitter vitriol spewed forth by an angry mob filled the arena as that fat little Italian that everyone loves to hate made his way into the arena.



Slightly taken aback, Mario paused, and then proceeded to march down the ramp with his head held high in a vain attempt to ignore the crowd's obvious bias towards the great one.

As soon as Mario entered the ring, Luigi sprang forth with cat-like reflexes. As a master strategist, Luigi had realised the importance of having the early advantage in this contest. Luigi was unrelenting, unleashing wave after wave of brutality upon his arch-nemesis.



Leaving Mario in pain of the floor, Luigi halts his attack to acknowledge his followers in the crowd. In return, we the people erupted into a standing ovation. It was a moment of liberation for many non-Luigists. The energy flowing from our lord captured their hearts and minds, turning them towards freedom.



As Luigi continued to allow us to wallow in his radiant glow, that human plague, Mario, crept up behind him, dropping him with a vicious neck-breaker.



That dirty bitch Mario took full advantage of the break, pounding away on Luigi blatantly ignoring the Marquis de Toadberry rules that disallow fisting. Mario continues with his comeback, unleashing his load into the midsection of Luigi, doubling him over in pain.

With quickness not expected of one so ample in girth, Mario then slammed a boot into the midsection of Luigi, and dropped him with his patented 'Over (Kart) Drive', shocking the crowd into absolute silence.



Mario began to circle Luigi like the heinous vulture that he is, sliding onto Luigi in a pinning attempt. Referee Earl Hebner, in a shocking display of bias, began to count in a ridiculously fast manner, only for the heroic Luigi to kick out after two, renewing our sense of faith.



Luigi stumbled backwards, falling to his knees. Mario saw this as an invitation, and strode purposefully towards Luigi with bad thoughts on his mind. Mario paused, confused, as Luigi began to beg off. However, our lord and saviour is a masterful tactician, and he was simply 'playing possum'. Luigi surprised Mario with a devastating forearm to the inner thigh region, which was incorrectly called a low blow by many Mario-marks in the crowd.



Luigi seized the advantage like a true warrior, unloading several devastating blows, leaving Mario in a bruised and broken heap of festering fecal matter.



Then came the moment that I began to fear the most. Mario toked up on a magic mushroom and started to "Mario Up". This was the beginning of the end for many gallant warriors who tried to slay the devil in the blue overalls. However, Lord Luigi is not like 'most warriors', and simply rolled outside a grabbed a chair.



Mario foolishly charged forward, running at Luigi with all guns blazing. Luigi calmly stood his ground, and dropped Mario with a thunderous shot, spraying blood everywhere and busting him wide open.



Luigi signalled that it was time for the world-renowned three moves of doom, letting the crowd know that the end was nigh. Luigi threw the chair to the floor and dragged Mario's lifeless body upwards, before dropping him head first onto the chair with a devastating DDT.



Although the match had reached it's obvious conclusion, Luigi continued the three moves of doom, this time slamming the chylmidia crusted cock choker to the mat with a destructive powerbomb.



As Mario lay lifeless on the mat, Luigi stood above him and signalled. The crowd rose to its collective feet, as the time was here. We were to see Luigi smash his worthless brother into pieces with his infamous Luigree.



Triumphant, Luigi took his place as the dominant bother, as Earl Hebner counted the academic 1-2-3.



It was over. Our lord and saviour had won. The dragon had been finally been slain, Mario lay on his back - broken, bleeding and beaten.



Luigi had done it. He stands triumphant. It is now clear who the better brother is. His name is Luigi.



So in conclusion, hail King Luigi, or I'll cut your fucking nuts off.

Regards,

Dr. Lindermans.

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