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Operation: Help Out the Little Guys
Subject: Ishkur
Website: Ishkur.com
Website Type: Rave Music, or something
Position: Owner, Writer, Connoisseur of Online Originality
Twinkie Rating (1-5): 
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UPDATE:
From: Nation Admin [admin@morphinenation.com]
To: 'Ishkur'
CC:
Subject: Re: An Offer You Can't Refuse
Artist Formerly Known As Ishkur,
While we would like to have you on staff, and hopefully watch you grow as a writer and improve yourself to "Morphine Level", we regret to inform you that your requests for payment and retention of the name "Ishkur" are denied. Writers should pay us for the privilege of allowing them to write on our site, due to the huge levels of exposure they'll receive, and the honor of writing alongside such Internet icons as Heihachiro Honda and Master Bedroom.
The name "Ishkur", while it may seem original to those who are part of your small cult following, is actually a lot more often used than you might think. Your delusions of "virtual monopoly" will be shattered by doing a simple Google search, which reveals Ishkur to be the name of some Sumerian god. We wouldn't want people hoping to read writings from the actual Sumerian god Ishkur to invade our site with accusations of false advertising, now would we?
So, we'll ask one more time that you reconsider these two points. If you can swallow your pride and see things our way, we'll be glad to set up a posting account for you as soon as possible. If not, we wish you good luck with your current website, and hope to see it become successful someday. At the Morphine Nation, we're all class.
Nation Admin
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UPDATE:
From: Ishkur [me@ishkur.com]
To: Nation Admin
CC:
Subject: Re: An Offer You Can't Refuse
Sounds great.
My nominal fee for original content writing is 25 cents a word or $300 an article, whichever is higher. Most of my articles run about 1000 words long.
Simple graphics, visual aids, captions and photoshops accompanying my articles are usually free, within reason. Stand alone photoshops, extended, intensive graphics, animation and Flash content cost extra, for a negotiable fee.
Oh, and I retain the monicker "Ishkur". You haven't heard any other Ishkurs online since I have a virtual monopoly of the name in the entire english-speaking internet.
Ish.
*wink*
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From: Nation Admin [admin@morphinenation.com]
To: 'me@ishkur.com'
CC:
Subject: An Offer You Can't Refuse
Dear Ishkur,
I'm an administrator of popular website morphinenation.com. You most likely have heard of it or seen it linked. I stumbled across your own little website some time ago and, while not completely bowled over, in recent weeks I've been impressed enough to think that there's some rudimentary talent there. How long have you been in the business of writing? A year or so? It's very interesting to see you starting to bloom which is why I'd like to officially help nurture that process and build up to be a much better writer than you are. Get you to "Morphine Level" as it were. I'm officially inviting you to close down your own obscure site and come write for us.
Obviously you're not main page material level yet, but I can probably squeeze you into a less significant portion of the site, say, writing the occasional line for Madame Gonk. In fact, that might be perfect for you, as it's still a step up from your current position but not so huge as for you to get "stage fright", as it were. We're recently giving a great new talent, Heihaicharo Honda a tryout with his own section and, while it would be intriguing to offer you that sort of responsibility, we feel a little more practice would do you some good.
Before you join, however, we're of the opinion that "Ishkur" is perhaps not suitable a handle for you. I've seen about a hundred Ishkurs in my vast time online. You need something original and cutting edge. Call yourself "Mario 64".
I trust you'll make the right decision and come work at Morphine Nation. I look forward to your speedy reply.
- Nation Admin
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