Hello to all and sundry. You may or may not know whom i am. My name is Chen, and i have been dilly dallying around these parts for quite some time; acting as intern for the Morphine Nation. I have appeared via third party on the main page a couple of times, in pieces where Ano has described his experiences. I have, of course, been vital to these instances, even more than he has been forthwith to describe. The reason i have spent most of my time babysitting him is because, even in a bunch of incompetents that is the staff here, he is by far the most imbecile. The man (and i use the term loosely), couldn’t walk from A to B without stealing someones alcoholic beverage and creating a ruckus.

It is always up to me, the gentleman’s gentleman (or in this case the baboons gentleman) to extradite him from these situations, for nary a polite word in return.  Always he portrays me as some sort of 18th century Asian underling existing purely for his entertainment, when in fact he wouldn’t survive two minutes in this world without my subtle touch. Those of you who know me from my forum posts may be a little suprised to see me conversing in such an eloquent manner. The reason for this is simple. I am, above all, an artist. Life is a canvas, and all we do is throw on the paints.

And if an artist is any thing, he is always truthful. To plumb the depths of our souls we must be essentially truthful. If Ano is right about anything, he is right that i speak in a manner that way seem strange to you Westeners. My look may also be slightly jarring to those of you who havnt transversed the world in your travels like i. There is a whole world out there, outside your little bubble.

Those of you who have been to the Morphine Nation offices where i have been an intern yon these many months, you certainly know how i look, speak and act. Maybe you havnt, wrapped up in your little worlds. Why would you care about the man who’s keeping the place running, with the sweat off his own back, while you grow fat and rich off his hard work? Well it seems like ive gone off the rails a little bit. Lets get back to the point. The reason my forum posts appear as such is because that is how i appear in real life. I have no wish to converse in any other manner than that over there, i will appear as i am, whether you bigots wish to accept me or not.

That certainly doesn’t mean i have a certain competency tackling the English language. Quite the opposite, gentle reader. Even though Japanese is my mother tongue, i am a master of many languages, and straddle them all much better than the rest of the butchers on staff tackle their only language. Who do you think makes Ano’s posts readable? While he sits there, half conscious, rambling about something or other, its up to me to fashion it all into an article, type it up, and post it. So if you’ve ever enjoyed anything hes posted, maybe its time you patted me on the back. Maybe its time i got a little love come my way.

Well its my time now. Its Chen’s time to shine. For those of you who have been subject to indifferent, mediocre prose on this site in the past, don’t despair. I would like to thank JCC for finally promoting me to the main page, and i will repay him by spinning all this yarn into gold. After doing all the donkey work for months, i finally get my chance to show the world my canvass. For this boon i promise, when i become a famous and well known internet writer, i will rescue the Nation writers from the welfare check, and let them sleep in my backyard.

Well i was thinking of using my debut to explain to you all my history, but i think that will wait till my next post. It is an interesting tale, one none of you racist pigs ever thought of finding out about while you asked for another coffee, but one i am now at liberty to explain. Until then, it is i, the light at the end of the corridor that is this site. I will illuminate your soul, for that is my gift. Unfortunately it seems that im forced to include this under the “comedy” category, purely because the one im looking for – TRUTH- doesnt exist. Why does that not suprise me. Chen out.

Category: Comedy | Tags: Chen, Sorrow // 8 Comments »