My Fault… Sorry. Episode 3.
I own a time machine and I never learn (nor fix my mistukess). I disrupted the time continuum a few times. I’m sorry, here’s why.
My Fault: Putting a knife in the wrong place (Or The Time G Went to the Morphine Nation Halloween Party)
You should read the following four parts of Ano’s story so the following makes more sense if you have not done so yet:
Well this one is kind of odd. I didn’t realize my actions led to me being an accomplice to a crime. I found this out through this here site in an series written by some Aussie dude named Ano. But before I get to that, I need to explain where I got the knife.
See, I was fucking around with my time machine and decided to enter the location as Berenstain Bears.
Turned out I POOFED into a fictional timeline and location!! Holy crap! So after getting right drunk with those bears, I got a bit crazy and thought I’d try entering the words “at sea” just for kicks.
I found myself on a boat. Some guy comes up to me and asked me who the hell I was and how I got here.
“Time machine, guy,” I respond. “Hey, that’s a nice knife. Trade you this broken XBox 360 controller straight up for it?”
Backpack capacity was currently full, so a trade was the only way to go. He complied and I left this Ishmael fellow and wandered up to the captain-like-looking goof. It wasn’t Jack Sparrow much to my chagrin.
Little known fact: He’s running from Bill Cosby’s henchmen… you would too.
“Hey Cap, I’m G. What’s up?”
“You will address me as Captain Ahab. We are searching for the great Moby Dick. Now how did you…”
I interrupt him, “Woah! Woah… woah… First off, why are you looking for Moby’s dick?!?!? It got cut off? What do you mean by ‘great?’ That’s pretty gay, creepy gay…”
creepy gay
“… secondly, Moby won’t be born for centuries AND you guys exist only in a fictional universe. Get it Captain Crunch? YOU AREN’T REAL, RETARD!”
He looked at me dumbfounded.
I got bored and felt creeped out and got the fuck out of there by entering the words “party crash” into the time machine interface. I was thinking I’d end up in the dressing room of the Edmonton Oilers for any one of their 5 Stanley Cup wins….
I forgot to change the setting from “fictional” to “reality” on the machine in hindsight… oh well, no mistakes fixing for this bloke.
I ended up at some Halloween party. Didn’t recognize anybody really at first. I looked around and saw a bar and wandered up to it. “Hey bartender,” I said to this purple and yellow polka-dotted thing. “I’d like about 10 drinks, doesn’t matter what kind.” The buzz from drinking with those bears was totally wearing off.
He pours some beers, spirits and shit. “Alright that’s $50, and by the way, who are you?”
“Just some guy,” I say pulling my newly acquired knife out and waving it in his face, “How about I trade you straight up?”
So this “J” guy (just noticed a name tag) backs away slowly. “Uhh…. we’ll put it on your tab, and I have to go serve some other people… just be careful with that thing.”
Some dude comes by and introduces himself as JCC. I tell him I’m G and we high five like 90 times. I use my non-knife-wielding hand fortunately. We make some gang signs and he grabs a drink, hands me a piece of cake, and saunters away.
Mmm… I could really taste the acid!
Honey makes great cake!
I shrug and start drinking. “Wow this party is fukken hardcore like a baby hammer!” I scream at the top of my lungs for no apparent reason… or maybe because I was drunk (acid takes a while to kick in, but it’ll happen). Either way, I turn around and notice someone I actually recognize! It’s Ano’s favorite, “Trudes” (a.k.a. Miss Seattle Freeze). I saw her pic at her blog once.
Her “ex”?
I quickly bounce to and from reality setting and back to the party accompanied by Armchair MVP who just started writing this week. I figured he should at least see the party since like me, missed out on the initial invite.
“See MVP,” I tell him, “hot chicks and parties are fun!”
“Wow, this is cool!”
“Alright you got your taste, back to your cage with you. Go watch some NFL or something.” And with that I teleport his sorry ass back to his cage.
Seriously, this is his cage
I go to grab a bunch of drinks and meander over, but realize I still have this knife in my hand. Too drunk to realize there IS room in my backpack capacity, I place it down on the bar counter. Both hands allow me to take all 10 drinks over across the room…
“Hey what’s up girl, I owe you like 3 drinks!” I hand the babe like 3 beverages.
“Thanks, I think,” Miss Freeze says. “Do I know you? I thought I knew everybody from the Nation.”
“Yeah, well you will eventually know me. At this point I sometimes post under the handle ‘G.’ In the future (next week or so), you “convince” me to write some inane garbage at the site.”
“That’s great! We need more people writing here! Is your work any good?”
I stop and think for a second… pound the 7 remaining drinks I have down my throat… “No, not really. Well I got to bail lady, something’s REAL bad is going down here soon…”
As I add the number two to the location setting on the machine, I didn’t erase the words “party crash.”
Seattle Freeze begins, “What the fuck do you mean by bad is…” Too late I’m already gone.
No, wait that was the acid kicking in… here’s the pic I was looking for:
Later pretty lady!
I reappear and my eyes start blurring over from the alcohol consumption. “This place looks familiar,” I think as I start to lose balance and control and I totally blacked out…. no clue what happened after that, and don’t remember a thing including everything you just read. Yeah, I know that’s fucked since I wrote this rant somehow. Maybe an alternative reality version of myself wrote this, whatever.
Yeah, I could have transported back and got the knife before Ano showed up, but like I said before I don’t correct my mistakes. It’s not like leaving it at the bar led to anything bad happening, right?
Hahaha, this was great. Ano’s idea of people writing the alternate perspectives to the Halloween Party story was apparently a good one, and it’d rule to see more of these from people.
My cake looks awesome! Even better than I remembered! Thanks, G!
Interesting to see you didnt hit on him there JCC. Slowing down as you hit middle age?
This Halloween party just keeps on getting better!!!
@Laurie_Strode, you and my alternate reality G might be hanging out watching what I just described happen with that “other G.” I’m working on it.
@G YAY!!! Well if you go and do that, then I’m going to have to write something….which would totally be AWESOME!!!
@Laurie_Strode – You were there, you just don’t know it yet… maybe you’ll beat me to the punch?
Or maybe you two can keep flirting on the main page and ill beat off (into the punch).
@ Ano – you rule for starting this epitomy of stupidity! Well done sir.
My pleasure my man. Stupidity is my field of expertise after all.
The Nation doesn’t have a clue about what evils the arc that Ano and I have just opened. It’ll burn your eyes out!
My ex….*shudder*…. hehe
Ok, this was a great piece-I’m very glad I ‘convinced’ you.
Nice! I enjoyed the hell out of that…reminds me of those old “choose your adventure” type books! Can’t wait for the next installment!
@ Everyone, just when you thought this episode was over… and like Stevie Richards said, “I’ll show’ll you, you’ll see!”