What This Is:

This is not a recap article. I will try to pick gems out of the week in professional wrestling that I catch while I watch. Sort like an asshole who slows down to check out an accident on the road. Things will get more inane through each promotion as I get more drunk! I will recap big news if I feel so inclined. Thus, it will be a chronological account of my experience of a fan throughout the period of the article’s duration. I don’t watch any wrestling on TV live. Fast-forward abilities rule!

I am going to try and be positive, albeit I am often a negative asshole. I record WWE and TNA weekly, however with a heavy finger on the fast-forward button. If something starts to suck, I say “go bye bye.” Plus, if I am tired and/or just want to get my 360 fix in for the evening, some shows get the super-fast-forward treatment. So if I miss something you thought was cool, feel free to let me know. Maybe I missed something worth watching. Sorry ROH fans (don’t get it in my cable package) or any other promotion. I only have so much time to dedicate to wrasslin’. Oh, and I rarely pay for PPV’s so fuck off! Not recapping shit!
Maybe I’ll try to add some pictures too…. maybe. I get lazy.

This Week’s Shows (Nov. 5 – 10, 2009):

RAW

- “Dentally Hygienically Challenged…..” Chris Jericho’s multi-syllabic description of the U.K. fans in attendance. The usual Jerishow versus D.X. ensues. HHH berates the heels for always being in the host’s way week in week out. Maybe they’ll take their own advice and do the same as faces? FFW!
- I must have missed that pwnage by Shaemus on Jamie Noble. Kudos to selling Mr. Noble. Shaemus’ push continues tonight with a squash match.
-And with little surprise we see the usual Chavo, the Midget, DX, Santino, etc. RAW is the same.

Right After Wrestling

- This was the debut show hosted by Renee Pagguette featuring Mauro Ranallo and Cam Stewart on the Score in Canada after the rerun episode of RAW. For those Canadians, Cam Stewart was the cohost to Morency (host Gabe Morency who was turfed from this time slot after being busted drinking vodka on the air a couple weeks back). It was a bit of a recap show and commentary of the weekly episode. I doubt I will cover it weekly, but now my fellow Canucks know it exists. It is on midday on a Tuesday for now… I miss Morency….
- Features write-in emails, a texting window and smarky commentary by the guests/cohosts. This show comes across as some buddies at a pub shooting the shit about questions thrown out at the host. Not a bad format if this interests you, I’ll give it chance next week for sure.

T.N.A.

-Hogan is a big thing coming in, obviously. The meeting sketch between Dixie Carter and the TNA talent was interesting to watch. This gave a semi-break in kayfabe to a degree and revealed what we all know is coming… changes. Personally I hope we don’t see lost quality “talent” in entertaining wrestlers like the Motor City Machine Guns who already are buried. Also, Daffney rules as Taz puts it, “zombie hot.” While she is my type of female wrestler – talented, athletic and uniquely hot – but who the hell wants to have sex with a rotting corpse? Taz is one sick dude.

Smackdown

- Jericho and the Undertaker cut a decent promo. It didn’t make me want to shell out money for something I steal for free online, but it was true to character and actually has a developed backstory. Jericho’s use of multi-syllabic words continues to show that wrestling fans hate having their mental capacity challenged. This is bloody hilarious in that it is part of what makes him a heel. God forbid the smarks ever turn on this intelligent motherfucker. Bonus factoid, Jericho used to do open-mike night at Dixon’s pub across from my night job and is a decent singer. I don’t like Fozzy though (unless we’re talking bears).

-Just saw an ad for Borderlands. Check out Gunsage’s well written analysis of this excellent game at projectwonderboy! Left 4 Dead II demo is out, go play it! Awesome zombie killing fun.

 -A small tear rolls down my cheek when Rey Mysterio brought up Eddie. I miss the dude in the squared circle. But seriously, stop pissing on this guys grave to advance a storyline. It is disrespectful and a shame that the WWE writer monkeys can’t use something else for a (thankful) Batista heel-turn on his little buddy Rey. Rey says Batista’s turn on him disgraces the legacy of Eddie. Really? Are you sure, you, Rey not telling the writers to choose something else to reference than Eddie, is not a bigger disgrace? Hey three commas in that last sentence!!! I did actually cry a bit when that guy died, and Rey knew him personally. Maybe if Benoit didn’t go crazy and murder his family he would smack some sense into whoever is responsible for this garbage. It’s like pissing on a war memorial.
-Drew Mcintyre is alright. Another guy with another joe shmoe gimmick? Maybe. At least he has an accent or some shit. Jimmy Wang Yang jobbed to him which is a shame. Some of the best matches I’ve ever seen on Heat were between him and Paul London. I guess letting mid-sized talent shine got in the way of mediocrity huh? Youtube some London/Yang…
-Mike Knox versus Rey Mysterio… David versus again Goliath AGAIN. Fuck that FFW…

- Yay! C.M. Punk. Next to Jericho (possibly more so?), the best heel in wrestling right now. Although I’m giving this “new” guy, Nigel… err… Desmond Wolfe on TNA a “chance!” Cool match with R-Truth/K-Kwick (he loves his hyphens). This Punk versus the officials gimmick is fun. This match was watched in enterity
-Mickie James remains hot. Again, athletic and skilled real beauty. WWE just doesn’t get it. I can download porn and don’t need any no-talent eye candy whores wasting my time. I sense many a FFW in the future…
-Matt Hardy versus Batista in the main event. It might have been good, but I got distracted reading morphinenation.com. Matt Stryker told me what was happening more than what I was seeing. Rest-hold? fuck that, why did I avert my vision? FFW!!!!!! (now with added Skeletor!). RW’d to figured out who won. Batista. Ok, time to watch some ECW DVR’d…

ECW

-Christian and Regal has the potential to be a good feud. Cool promo. Regal will only challenge Christian in England for the ECW title. The Brits will get some representation in a minutely significant, but still significant, match. Of course it will be on ECW. I wouldn’t be shocked to see a title change here. Even better, maybe they will finally bounce Christian to another show.
-Watching an okay match versus Regal and Golddust…. my bad, resthold in the form of a sleeper and “Regal sucks!” chants. I should go play some Borderlands until it gets way too late….PAUSE.
- Helms and Burchill pulled off a nice promo for a mask/quit match. Of course this will be fucked up somehow. It’s the WWE way!
-Lance Hoyt of TNA “fame” debuted as Vance Archer. Too much in the generic soap opera male lead names by WWE creative. Typical squash match introduction here folks, yawn. FFW!

Vintage Collection

- Mean Gene starts us off with the debut match of the Undertaker at Survivor Series. It’s a four man tag match, and as much as it was nice to see the Honkey Tonk Man and Greg the Hammer Valentine and so forth, it was just odd seeing so managers at ring side. With so much changed since 1992, you rarely see managers anymore. There’s Virgil, Brother Love, Jimmy Hart and his megaphone.
- Next up we are treated to a 1989 Survivor Series match. This was a treat to see Andre the Giant (lasting only seconds before the Ultimate Warrior eliminates him) and Bobby “the Brain” in action. The Rockers are in classic early form – lots of tag-team moves and aerial fun.

Superstars

-Chavo versus Santino is up first. While trying to pay attention while doing my Yahoo hockey pools setup for the week, I have to say Santino’s thing with his hand (has he ever landed this move) is fucking funny. He put the setup for the move away like a gun. Maybe this will be like Ric Flair’s “top rope” move that never connects? No, he lands it and it is called the “Cobra” according to the play by play. This was a fun match as it should have been considering who is in the ring. Chavo is being treated like shit with the RAW brand, but Santino needed a win at some point too. Comedy has a place in the ring. See Andy Kaufman.
-Wow, blood on TV! Holy shit, since WWE went PG they actually stopped a PPV ironman match to conceal the blood on Cena. This Tyler Recks guy (who sucks) just got cut open by Paul Burchill. That’s one hell of a double standard. No editing either.

Other “News”

-Looks like the WWE upped the price of PPV’s (not including WrestleMania) to $44.95. Sigh, the solution to making up for lost buy rates is raising the price?
-Dennis Miller is set to host a 3 hour RAW featuring the Slammy Awards. While I am a Miller mark from his days on SNL…. we’ll have to wait and see. With all the coke going around in the eighties, you got to wonder how much he’s got left.
- Jim Ross is still recovering from his third bout with Bell’s Palsy. The announce teams have been switched up a bit with Matt Stryker going to Smackdown. He’s doing a great job, but J.R.’s shoes can’t really be filled. Let’s hope he gets well soon!
- Jericho managed to get himself some serious heat apparently making homophobic comments as depicted by TMZ. I put another link below since that is one gay news product. I guess when he is not attacking fans, he’s spreading hate? It’s a funny twist to see a “sport” often stereotyped as homosexual have one of its most predominant performers linked to homophobia .
- The “Rowdy” one is set to host RAW on November 16th. There should be at one least one thing we can count on… Piper’s Pit!
- In non-wrestling news, Steve Yzerman was rightfully inducted into the NHL hall of fame. This guy was a class act. I don’t think fame garners role-model status by default, but I must say well done sir! On the record and regardless of Canada’s performance at the Olympics, well done sir! No FFW!!! on this guy’s stellar career.

Recommended Reading

Here’s some stuff worth checking out that I stumbled upon through the week for you smarks wanting more. And, they are likely better written than I could do.
-It’s Time for Split of DX
-Canadian Bulldog’s True Wrestling Stories: Jerry “The King” Lawler
- The Life of a WWE seat-filler (the first wrestling related article written by yours truly).
- World Wrestling Insanity Breaking News: Hulk Hogan To TNA SPECIAL EDITION! By Canadian Bulldog

Random Morphine Reference:

-Louis Riel, The shirt. I’ve got my shirt in the mail, dick. Got yours?

That’s all folks, damn that was a long article. There were many matches I didn’t comment on, let me know what I missed. Either I felt they weren’t worth commenting on, or they got the FFW treatment. Too much wrestling to sit through… until next week or another time, I’m out!

Category: News, Rants, Sports | Tags: debut, episode, first, Professional Wrestling, Smackdown, stupid, Superstars, tna, Vintage Collection, WWE Raw // 5 Comments »