The Joker is universally accepted as the greatest comic book character of all time. For those of you who had only seen him on the screen, that might have been a bit puzzling, until Heath Ledgers awesome portrayal in “The Dark Knight”. He captured the essence of the Joker better than anyone else, and what you got from him is the complexities that comic book readers have loved for years and years. What complexities you ask? Well basically behind all the madness and mayhem, this fucker was enjoying himself, every second of every day. Watching Heaths portrayal or reading the comics you get the fleeting thought, what if i became the Joker? Not to worry, it is i coming to the rescue, leading you on the yellow brick road, right to batshit insanity avenue.

How do you become something that seems to be such a random singularity? Looking at it from a distance it seems impossible. The very reason the Joker is such a memorable character is that its impossible to approximate him. Or is it? Like anything else, the best way to accomplish the seemingly impossible is to break it down into simple parts that you can wrap your head around. The first step is something that you might associate with good old Harvey Dent, Two – Face himself. In fact, the first part is becoming Harvey Dent.

No you don’t have to burn half your face off. What do you think i am, insane? But what you have to do is embrace what that character stands for. Behind all the razzle dazzle, what Dent did when he gave himself over to Two – Face was embrace chaos. And chaos, well, chaos is the Joker. What he did was strip responsibility from his life, strip consequence, strip stress and worry. How did he do that? He made sure that every decision in his life wasn’t entrusted in him. It was entrusted in the coin. Once chance had taken over, nothing was ever his fault.

How could it be, when he had nothing to do with any of his decisions? This is the first step in your journey. Get a coin, and keep it on you at all times. Entrust all your decisions to random chance. This is not an easy thing to do. First of all i recommend starting with small decisions. It is important to never go against the wishes of the coin, so at the start never make one of the options something you will feel strongly not to go with. What suit are you going to wear? Heads, tails. Which road are you taking to work? Heads, tails. From then you move forward, slowly, entrusting the coin with more responsibility once you are used to following its every whim.

Slowly but surely, as you give the coin more and more responsibility, you will feel all the weight lifting off your shoulder. Before you move onto the next step its extremely important you are entrusting every decision, small or large, to the fates herself. Give yourself to her, embrace chaos. If you ever flip and go against the decision, if you even feel like going against the decision, you arn’t ready for the next step. But if you are, if you take a certain sadistic delight in this and embrace it fully? Then you, my friend, are ready for step two.

Welcome, friend, to the dice. This is just an extension of the coin, but now you can put it away, for you are truly ready for this to get serious. There are no longer just two options for every decision. This world isnt black and white, there are shades of gray. And for now, in this stage of your development? There are precisely 6 shades of gray. You know what to do now. Carry this die around in your pocket, maybe in a case where its easy to shake and then look at the result. Consult it on all things. You don’t necessarily have to have 6 options. In fact, i recommend you don’t. Because see, now what you can do is weigh your options with probability.

Have an option that you really want to take? Don’t worry, at this point you are not meant to not care at all which option to take, so give that option two spots on that die. Give the option that you don’t mind taking three spots. And that option that you really dont want to take at all, that option that might get you into trouble (but secretly you might enjoy). That option that is taboo, that option that you wouldnt have even considered (except in your dreams). That option that you never put on the coin. Well this option my friend, this is what occupies the last spot in the die. And remember, if by chance it lands, you have to follow the die. If you dont, then abandon this at once, because there is no point.

You are nearly there my child. You may feel a little of your sanity slipping away every single day, because who gives a fuck. Arnt you getting perverse enjoyment out of all this? Playing this game, all by yourself, with no one else knowing whats going on (this is paramount), makes you feel sort of like god. Your worries are melting away, and even if some of the most diabolical aspects of the die are getting you into some spots that the rest of society might call horrifying, you sure as fuck are having the time of your life. I mean shit, for the first time in your life, you are truly living, the rest of these saps just dont understand.

Now its time to fuck with your personality. Thats what those different types of dice are for. At the start of every day, fashion a certain number of detailed personalities in your mind. The number isnt important, thats all upto you and how you want to load the probabilities on any given day. Then toss, and follow. Remember, no one else must know why, on one day you are the mousy ditzy librarian type, and the next day you are the alpha aggressive type. Dont worry about anyone else, this is all about you. Meanwhile the rest of the die are still in your pocket for hour to hour decisions. Just remember, any decisions you make now are colored entirely by the personality that the dice has said you are for the day.

At this point you are probably saying, fuck you Ano, i thought this wasnt about rules. How can i embrace chaos this way? Grasshopper, remember, EVERY decision is defined by the dice. In it you can put in any options you want. Want the duration of your stay in any one personality to be flexible? Toss the die. Remember, at all times, at least one option must be out there, beyond what your current perception of acceptable is (this will have drastically changed from when you first started this), and you must follow it.

This is going to take some time, but after a while of this, you are going to completely lose all sense of any morals and acceptable behavior that society tries to chain you up in. You know you are ready when you reach the point when you really, truly, dont give a flying fuck what options the dice throws up. At this point, its all the same. You’ve tried every personality that you can think of, you have done the craziest shit u can think of, and everyone thinks you should be in an institution. In fact you may have spent some time in an institution, and a few stints at jail.

Once this occurs, then its time to throw the dice away. You my friend, are chaos personified. Who needs the fucking dice. You have come to the realization, you can be ALL these personalities, ALL the time. Your brain is operating like dice, there is no ryhme nor reason to any of your decisions or actions. What you may consider fun one second, is abhorrent the next. And really, nothing matters anymore. There is only one question to ask. WHY SO SERIOUS?

Category: Advice, Comedy | Tags: heath ledger, how to, How to become the joker, joker // 4 Comments »