Miracles happen folks. Looks like our little plucky chat show that could got picked up for some shows, but only one at a time because JCC is a bastard and wont give us an extended run. So whether we continue or not depends entirely on you, the reader, and ur interest or lack thereof. Seeing as this could be the last ever probe, i decided to bite the bullet and interview the Nations resident serial killer, putting my own life on the life for you people! I am here now so im alive (at the moment) but there has been a mysterious disappearance of Chen the Morphine intern. If anyone finds him please send him home, the toilets here are clogging up.

Ladies and gents of the probe, make welcome our second ever guest, Buns!
Hello, hello. I feel very welcome. And honored. That sort of thing.
Just wait a minute you might feel differently
Oh I’m sure.
Ill start with the question that the great talk show host Gerard Depardieu always started with. What are you wearing, and can you describe how your tatas look at the moment?
My tatas look completely covered. And I am wearing pajamas, as it is cold out and I am home sick today.
Well that’s not going to help these readers out, you have to remember they are all perverts. What do your bajungas taste like? Can you twist the right one so the sickos who are reading this can get some spank material?
Well, I believe they taste more or less like the rest of my skin. Which is to say, if you smoked them, they’d taste like ham. And while I certainly COULD “twist” one, I’m not planning on it, actually. I do apologize to the sickos.
Thats a bit of a bummer
I know, right?

But im not going to push it because of the next question. You have built a reputation around the nation as the nicest person here. There have been mention of smileys after every sentence. However there have been rumblings (not started by me i promise…..please dont hurt me) that all this is just to hide the fact that you are a cold blooded serial killer. How do you respond to these accusations?

I respond with this…I like to believe that I am clever enough to get away with murder. I certainly couldn’t go admitting to anything if I wanted to continue to get away with it, now could I?
Well shit. Am i on your list?
Darling, darling. I have a great many lists.
The one where you stab people and wear their skin
You mustn’t think I’d go killing people without VERY good reasons. Do I have a very good reason to want you dead?
I’d love to hear what you think.
Id have to say no purely for reasons of self preservation
Mmm, I see. Very well then.
What would i have to do to get off the list. Just in case im on it. Which clearly i shouldn’t be because im such a lovable bloke
Oh, I don’t think it would be possible to get OFF the list- I just think it would be harder than you think to get ON it.
Crap
It would take more than making me cry once, cuz then half the world would be on it. Stupid world.
Did i really make you cry?
Yes. I told you you did. But I’m terribly sensitive.
For the readers – here’s the context on this. Honey was cold as all hell when i was banned from this forsaken place, and when i asked why she said i made her cry. How did i make you cry?
Through cruelty. I’m not going to reveal the complexities of the situation, because I have learned over time that one must never reveal their weaknesses. For fear of having those weaknesses exploited.
Do you mean i might exploit your weaknesses? That’s a little harsh im hurt
Sweet heart, sometimes people don’t even mean to do it. Sometimes in the heat of a moment, things come up that can’t be taken back. It’s not you, it’s me.
Ive heard that one a few times. It was when me and J had a little fracas on the forums wasn’t it
I don’t remember.
I only ask because There have been rumblings of a secret and passionate affair between you and J, and some kinky shit involving cake that i totally havnt beaten off to
Secretly I may be J’s hypothetical fiancee. Or secretly I may be J! Ohhhh!
That could be true. You do both hate me. You just blew my mind.
I don’t hate you.
Good, im taking that as im not on the list, right until the moment of my gruesome demise
You’re not on the list. If I had a list. Which officially I don’t.

Awesome. How did you feel when J got engaged to some other hussy? And then when you wernt invited to the wedding? And then when he decided to go on a honeymoon (with no honey) to disneyworld, as opposed to disneyland, and therefore missed out on the secret room behind the red door in the pirates ride?

Oh, are we assuming then that I’m not J?
Yes for this question
Okay, for the purposes of this question: I was SO jealous when J got engaged to another hussy! Then I was SO angry when I found out the red door was at the wrong Disney place! Er, wait- I mean…Umm… The red door thing was interesting but had no relative meaning to ME, as I am not J. Actually, in all honesty, I am very happy for J and his lady, who seems delightful and somehow puts up with him.
Only until he deletes one of the threads in her dress, am i rite
I don’t know, is there a snag in the thread? Cuz then maybe it needs to be deleted.
Ouch, lets not bring this up again we’ll be here all night. Trudes sent this one in. She thinks you are a secret cocaine addict. What do you think of this, and does it make you tremble with murderous rage?
I find hard drugs terrifying. I’m answering this question seriously, for some reason. So, “no.”
Terrifying? Can you expand on that?.
The addiction factor. I’m not even addicted to caffeine, if you can believe that. But a substance that can take over your life, and make you do things you never would have dreamed of doing…That’s terrifying.
Fair enough. There you go kids theres messages in this show for you too. Dont do drugs, or honey will kill you
Quite right. I CAN tell you that I know for certain that human flesh tastes like ham. Mmm.

I figure thats a good (and terrifying) place to take a break. So Honey if you want the second half to air and for you to get famous, id suggest you refrain from killing me till it comes out……..you crazy bitch. Taxi! Get me the hell out of here.

…………………………………………………………………
We here at the nation value your hate mail! So much so that theres plenty of ways for you to do it. You can simply sign up and comment below. Better yet, sign up for the phorums and start up a voodoo cult. And if you want to really get funky, you can send me your hate mail directly at ano.rulz@gmail.com. Ill be sure to print it out, take a picture of me pissing on it, and send it right back!

Category: Ano's Public Probe | Tags: Honey, Morphine Nation, Public Probe // 4 Comments »