Don’t skim on your last minute Halloween costume!
Let me guess, it’s 2 days before Halloween and you still don’t have a costume? You want to make an impression and not be the 1 zillionth vampire or slutty police officer at the party/club/bar you go to. In that case, I’ve compiled a few last minute ideas for you to ponder. In any case, any one of these will make a statement, offend and possibly piss people off. Enjoy!
Batman, in this economic crisis – Think present day and he’s lost all money in the stock markets because of the economy. Start with the costume-you all know what Batman looks like but don’t try too hard on the details. The rattier, the better. Instead of a Pneumatic Mangler, just use a whistle and label it as such. This also goes for the Grapnel gun and Batarangs…use a squirt gun and cardboard for these. Don’t even try to make it seem like you tried much. Don’t forget the sign “Will fight crime for food.”
Tinkerbell, on the ‘dust’ – Dirty fairy-like clothes (preferably actual Tinkerbell costume never washed), dark circles under your eyes and white ‘dust’ under your nose. Carry a baggy of baby powder or powdered sugar to ’sprinkle’ on people. And…last but not least, wings…tattered and broken.
Holocaust survivor – Just put a shirt on that’s ripped in the back due to being whipped multiple times, a badly splinted broken limb, maybe some facial scars due to barbed wire, a numbered tattoo on your wrist, and shriek and run every time you see anyone Nazi-fied. I almost feel bad about this one…
Nudist or Stripper on strike – Wear clothes with a picket sign.
9/11 – This one’s been done a few times and will require some work and…cardboard. You can be as creative as possible or take the easy way out… First, make the tower to fit you so you’ll be walking around in a box-paint and detail to look like a tall building. Then you need a toy airplane (or, if you’re talented, make one yourself) or paper airplane if you’re lame.
Suicide bomber – Wear normal clothes (or, something with Middle Eastern flare, if you want to be realistic) and strap ‘bombs’ all over you. Make them out of cardboard and use duct tape liberally. A toy gun will add to this nicely as they usually have one (who they are going to shoot after they’re dead-I have no idea). Be aware that this costume will probably get you kicked out of many clubs/bars.
Child Labor sweat shop owner or abortion doctor (pregnant, of course) – Dress up like a pregnant woman and then choose the ‘non-PC’ job you’d like her to have. A child sweat shop owner would carry a whip, carry dolls with chains on their legs and have a name tag from somewhere like the Gap or Nike. An abortion doctor is easy, just dress up as a doctor and wear a pro choice button and hand out pamphlets on abortion being an option.
AA sponsor – Wear clothes and have beer but tell everyone else that they shouldn’t drink. Be annoying.
Reincarnation of Hitler (any normal costume will do, just Nazi-fy it) – That’s right, Hitler-ize any costume from Rainbow Brite to the Burger King-this is also great way to use your last year’s costume again! Make arm bands and swastikas and place generously on your costume-don’t forget the mustache!
Crucified Jesus – This one has been done a few times…just dress in long, white robes and wear a bloody crown of thorns. Carry a Bible and possibly a bloody lamb (real or toy…doesn’t matter).
Kurt Cobain – This one will probably only get you kicked out of bars in Seattle, anywhere else may not be significant. Since zombies are ‘in’ this year, make a zombie of Kurt with gunshot wound in temple, grungy clothes (as would be the norm for Seattle), carry a guitar and always have a cigarette hanging from your lips.
Gradeschool kid with gun (school shooter) – Dress in prep school clothes and carry a toy gun. Or…make it Harry Potter style and wear Hogwart’s attire and carry a very large toy gun.
An altar boy – Spattered cum on your face. That’s all.
Go as somebody else at the party – Follow that person around, mocking them.
Swine flu – Make pig ears, tail and nose to wear. Carry around tissues and fake cough/sneeze on and around people.
Pop up ad or walking advertisement – Print out or make several labels of annoying pop up ads that you’ve seen (Netflix, Match.com, AOL, Netscape, Travelzoo, ‘YOU ARE A WINNER’, etc. etc.). Wear all these and scare people by popping up in front of them. Be very annoying and use jazz hands a lot. For this one…make sure you put the Morphine web address on your back.
And last but not least you could go as your favorite MN nation writer – Just dress as what you would imagine he or she or bot would look like and dress as such. For example, I can’t go as JCC because I can’t pull off the ‘God-complex’ quite as well. Ano is easy-just fake an Australian accent and be trashed at all times. Honey is probably something like Tinkerbell above. Bruce-wear sunglasses, a rope and muddy clothes. But…Al, now Al has even given me the costume so, I think I’ll go as Al Creed this year!
With the last idea-we expect pics in the phorums please!
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Al mate you got mentioned here, time to un-hang yourself? And if i had to pick from these costumes i would pick the AA sponsor. In fact ive pretended to be one of those before but thats a story for another day. So trudes if a reader had to go as you, how would they do that? You already said dressing as a slutbag was out…………….(oh snap!)
Reincarnation of Hitler (any normal costume will do, just Nazi-fy it) – This sounds like a great costume for the kids! Take a cute kid costume, a bunny, a princess, a superhero, doesn’t really matter, and then Nazi the fuck out of it with big Swastikas and give the kid ( boy OR girl) a little Hitler mustache. That sounds great. They have to be young enough to look innocent, but old enough to say a few choice German words…
I want to go to a friends home and dress up creepy as possible, stereotypical Child Molester look with an old Polaroid camera hanging from my neck… I will have a BIG crayon sign on the door saying ” Kids only ! no parents allowed in ‘Uncle tickles’ Halloween fun house” !!!
@Ano- Touche’ (1 angel down).
@PatMan- OMG! Those are great ideas! …you’ve done this before, haven’t you?
I’ve actually done the “dress as someone else at the party” one, to a friend of mine who was going through an extremely preppy phase at the time. Sweater vest, hair spray-painted blonde, certain mannerisms he used to do, the whole deal. Needless to say, everyone loved it.
As for the rest of the ideas, they all rule, and anyone who shows up at my door in ANY of them is getting extra candy. Much like the white kid who showed up last year as OJ, complete with blackface.
I DARE any of you to dress as Al Creed this year. DARE YOU.
I take your dare and raise it…..a double dare!