When I first talked about doing this post a while back, I was told to make it satirical but personally, it seems like a mortal sin to even joke about doing this particular thing badly. Therefore, I guess we can consider this post the first of a possible new advice column I’ll be starting. I’d like to begin with a ‘how-to’ post.

Now I know this post will be mostly geared towards improving the abilities of women (and JCC…apparently) but I know the guys here at Morphine and…you won’t feel left out, I promise.

The perfect blow job-I’ll show you how to bring this sex act to fruition in just a few tantalizingly wet steps. We’re going to skip the foreplay part because well, who needs it anyway, right? We’re moving right to the part where you’re on your knees in front of him and his 10 inch erection is poking you in the forehead.

First things first-make sure you’re comfortable. Sitting on your knees can sometimes start to hurt after a while so place a pillow under them beforehand so that you’ll be able to do your job here without interruption. One time I kneeled on his belt for 20 minutes only to have to cut it short because it was too painful. I later found a semi-permanent bruised dent in my right knee after it was all over.

Truth be told, kneeling is the easiest way to give an effective blow job because you have liberal movement abilities of your arms, hands, upper body and head this way whereas any other way will hinder some of this.

Ok, let’s start out with some basic points of interest: The balls. Even if a guy has had a blow job before, it doesn’t mean he’s had his balls played with or…even touched for that matter. Personally, I think if you’re going to go through the effort of giving a blow job, don’t forget the details. The ‘guys’…are a detail. Here’s what I would do:

Don’t touch him. Keep your hands at your sides and gently start licking one after the other lifting them up with your tongue. After doing this for a bit, slip one into your mouth. Be gentle and roll it around in your mouth with your tongue. Pop it out, lick it and move to #2. Repeat. You don’t have to do this very long at all because it’s a very sensitive spot for guy so he’s probably going to be half out of his mind already in shock that you actually paid attention to the ‘guys’.

Still, no touching but you can move your hands to his thighs if you’d like more contact. Most likely, his hand will be tangled in your hair by this time.

Side-note here: Do NOT let him control this situation. He may try to push your head closer…deeper…faster…but don’t let him. If you’re doing it right, all he’ll have to do is sit back and enjoy the show….or at least, sit back and try not to blow his load too soon…am I right guys?

Moving a’head’…

Slide your tongue up the under side of the shaft now to right below the head and stop without your tongue touching it. Slide back down. And up again. Do this a few times moving your tongue from side to side so that you’ve covered the whole area without actually touching the tip. On the way back up the last time, slide one of your hands behind your mouth and…nibble. LIGHTLY. If you feel uncomfortable with the amount of pressure necessary for nibbling you can be a pussy do some kisses instead.

This time-flick the head with your tongue when you get to it. Just once…or twice. Then slip your tongue over it so that the underside of your tongue slides over the top of his penis. Note that your hand should be sliding up and down the shaft during this tongue lashing you’re giving. You should be able to do this several times before your tongue muscles start to ache…cuz they will.

At this point, it’s time to stop torturing this poor guy who’s (hopefully) been a willing participant in our little game of blowie lessons and give him what he’s been waiting for.

Bring the other hand up so it rests on the shaft below the one already there and slip his penis into your mouth…slowly. NOT ALL OF IT THOUGH! Just the tip, then slip it out, then do it again a little further-keep going with this technique until the bulk of his…’bulk’ has touched the back of your throat. Your hands should be lightly grasping the shaft and sliding up and down in a twisting motion.

Before I go on to the next part, I’ll pay homage to a little thing we like to call the gag reflex. Yes, it’s a horrid and terrible concept but even yours truly has one. Sure, there are gadgets and rumors about how you can change that and make it less of a hinderance so…go ahead and try but unless you’re a street-walker giving BJ’s many times on a daily basis, you’ll fall out of practice even after a few days.  How do you manage? You don’t…you just power through it. If you gag a bit, you’ll be fine just be aware of how far you can go. No one wants the unimaginable to happen (I’m not even going to say it cuz it’s a bit extreme).

Next-start sucking as you slide up and down on him. Meaning: suck all the air out of your mouth between him and you and clamp a little tightly around him without using teeth. Make sense? If you need me to show you, I’m game…just don’t get all jealous girlfriend on me when he decides that if there’s better out there-he’s going to chase after it.

Sorry…tangent.

At this point you should be sucking and sliding your hands up and down in twisty motions like a normal blow job. You can mix it up a bit and when you come up, quickly slip the head out and quickly sliding your pointer finger or thumb over the head before it goes back in your mouth and heading back down. The change of texture from your mouth to your finger gives a shot of sensation (so I hear) that some guys can’t handle if they are more on the ’sensitive’ side of the spectrum. Personally, these are my favorite because these guys are the most vocal. If you don’t hear them pant something like ‘Oh my God’ or ‘Don’t stop’ or ‘I want to cum all over you’, then you aren’t doing it right. But if you don’t hear ‘You’re so fucking good at that’ and ‘Holy fuck, stop-I’m going to come’ (prematurely), you’re not doing it my way.

That said, don’t stop. In fact…go a little crazy and stop the bottom hand at the base of the penis and start to slowly tighten on it while your mouth and your other hand keep doing their ‘job’. Cutting off the blood supply also has benefits of sensation-like feelings. Or you could use the hand to play with his balls again, gently grasping and tugging. Mmmmm….

In any case, you should be just about done unless it’s hard to get him off. In that case, take it as a challenge and try. He’ll always remember the girl who worked and worked and worked until she did it. One guy told me before we even had sex that he never came with blow jobs and that it just never worked for him.

I’m happy to inform you that he can’t say ‘never’ anymore.

When he’s ready to explode, you’ll notice an engorgement of the penis (usually). This isn’t the point where you stop. Keep going. In fact, keep going til he’s too sensitive and makes you stop. They like it. They love your ‘dedication’.

And last but not least…swallow. It’s not going to hurt you. If you’re having sex or giving blowies, you’re old enough to know that semen isn’t harmful except to silk (trust me).

I realized while I was writing this that this post is awfully…informative and not so…sexy. In this case, I’ve decided to rewrite the good parts here. Let’s call it the ‘Cliff’s notes’ version:

…gently start licking one after the other lifting them up with your tongue.

…slip one into your mouth. Be gentle and roll it around in your mouth with your tongue. Pop it out, lick it and move to #2.

Slide your tongue up the under side of the shaft now to right below the head and stop without your tongue touching it. Slide back down. And up again.

…slide one of your hands behind your mouth and…nibble. LIGHTLY.

…flick the head with your tongue when you get to it. Just once…or twice. Then slip your tongue over it so that the underside of your tongue slides over the top of his penis.

…slip his penis into your mouth…slowly. Just the tip, then slip it out, then do it again a little further…

…lightly grasping the shaft and sliding up and down in a twisting motion.

…start sucking as you slide up and down on him.

…sucking and sliding your hands up and down in twisty motions..

…mix it up a bit and when you come up, quickly slip the head out and quickly sliding your pointer finger or thumb over the head before it goes back in your mouth and heading back down.

…bottom hand at the base of the penis and start to slowly tighten on it while your mouth and hand keep…

…use the hand to play with his balls again, gently grasping and tugging. Mmmmm….

…swallow.

Enjoy!

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Category: Advice | Tags: balls, BJ, blow job, blowie, cum, erection, gentle, guys, head, knees, lick, penis, semen, tongue, touch // 16 Comments »