Back in the late 90s, when it took me 3 hours to download the preview movie for Conker’s Bad Fur Day, I started checking out online articles that reviewed videogames. One of the earliest sources at the time that I’d relied upon was IGN. About a year or two before I joined Project Wonderboy, I grew to hate them for several reasons and now it’s all come full circle and will be vented about today. Yes, IGN can go suck it, as they will never stop sucking.
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Category: Comedy, Rants, Who Can Go Suck It | // 1 Comment »

Ah, The Conduit. A game so hyped up you’d think it was a GOOD gaiden of Final Fantasy 7 and all because it’s a first person shooter on the Wii by Sega. Folks, before we continue, I’d like to point out that this is on the Wii and it’s rated teen. Granted, Metroid Prime 3 had the same deal, but that’s Metroid. They’ve NEVER made a bad Metroid game. EVER.

That said, we have to enter the old gameshow “Sega’s Got Talent.” To be fair, I love Sega and I’d love to see another good Sonic game, but I just don’t see it happening. I feel they’ve lost their spark, which is why it’s refreshing to see them at least trying something new. Then again, Sega also tried something new with Shadow the Hedgehog…so let’s see how this pans out.

“BLARR!! I’m an alien and stuff!”
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Category: Project Wonderboy, Reviews | // 2 Comments »

A dead cow washed up on the beach in Victoria British Columbia and it caused a gigantic bureaucratic grid lock.  Nobody could decide who was responsible for removing the cow’s rotting corpse and it turned in to a cluster fuck of errors all over a dead fucking cow. The real beauty was where they took the cow for burial after somebody finally removed it.

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Category: News | Tags: BC, beer, bureaucrats, burial, Calgary, cliff, corpse, cow, farmer, monster, stupid, suicide, Victoria // 3 Comments »

I have always known that I am a bit crazy. Until recently it never bothered me much and even now I prefer it that way. Problem is certain things have been happening that have made me question whether I was crazier than I originally assumed. Nothing harmful or bad, I won’t be in any bell towers taking pot shots at random strangers. A conversation I had the other night just stopped me cold and made me wonder if I had crossed the line from a little off to complete fucking nut.

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Category: Comedy, Rants | Tags: Billy Connolly, brain, crazy, embracing, fucked, funny, lunatic, mental, tangent, wild // 4 Comments »

Horses are wonderful and gorgeous animals. Whether their running in a paddock or across the high desert, they are beautiful to watch. In my line of work their also a valuable asset that help me to do my job. Now that doesn’t mean I don’t care about my horses I do and they are very important to me. However they are not fucking pets as some people would have you think. That’s why when the subject of horse slaughter is brought up people tend to shit themselves.

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Category: News | Tags: cow, crap, emotions, France, horse, idiots, meat, practical, red, slaughter, starve // 4 Comments »

The male sexual anatomy has a taboo place in American society. It can be referenced to insult an individual, i.e “YOU’RE SUCH A FUCKING, DICK!” Or it can even be contorted and twisted to gross out, or sometimes to entertain a group of friends, i.e. giving the old tuck-n-pinch to resemble what I like to call an “ugly lady” or playing the game from Waiting. Whatever tickles your fancy, the man’s penis is like the multi-tool that God has blessed us with. But, for those who have some sort of sex drive and not a total fucking pussy may find enough courage and confidence to give a nickname to their appleheaded monster. This can be a fun, and even sexy way to give your slong a alter-ego of it’s own that will leave a certain amount of wonderment and excitement to whatever your sex life holds in store. Or, it can be a sad fucking joke to your pathetic excuse for a dick that will leave women and fags laughing at your “nickname” and junk side-by-side. And just ordinary names, like John or Frank, that you can slyly refer to as your penis as kinda like an “insider” with your partner is lame as fuck, so flex your nuts and get a LEGIT nickname. Hopefully, I can sway to some cool ones and avoid some other ones, despite how good their intentions may sound.

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Category: Comedy | Tags: babies, Centerpiece, Chris Beniot, cock, Crippler, Elmer, funny, funny as fuck, Glue Shooter, Hulk, jabroni, meatwhistle, names, nicknames, Obama, Optimus Prime, pathetic, Pee-Wee, penis, Puppy, Rumpleforeskin, sad, Schenckerdoodle, small pee-pee, Thunderstick // 6 Comments »

After beating the first Pokemon Gym and watching a drugged-up Barry kill some kid, you’re free to screw around for a bit before moving on. I’m going to use this time to maybe find some more pokemon, and hopefully one that doesn’t suck like Wurmple or isn’t retarded like my Bidoof.
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Category: Pokemon | // 2 Comments »

A buddy and I were having a conversation about the sad state of our political system. During the discussion, I pointed to last falls Democratic primary as an example. When they were breaking down who voted for who, there was a trend. Most of the Clinton voters were lower to middle class and less educated. Most of the Obama voters were better educated and more affluent. When Bush was elected one of the reasons many people said they voted for him, was they could see themselves sitting down and having a beer with him over Gore.

Do we really want the less educated, poor assed, not as bright people actually making the decision as to who should be president? My opinion is of course not, we have 8 years of proof of what happens when you vote for the person you’d rather have a beer with.

My friend responded with that’s why we need a system based more on meritocracy. For those of you who don’t know, as per dictionary.com meritocracy is “an elite group of people whose progress is based on ability and talent rather than on class privilege or wealth.”

His idea is that the voters use this in adjusting how their vote counts. Currently, it’s one vote per person. Under a meritocracy style voting system you get points for achievements in your life. For Example: You get a point for military service, a half point for an Associates degree, and a full point for a bachelors. What you do for a living should also play into effect. The college professor should potentially get 2 points as compared to a corporate office monkey like myself, who only gets 1, to the Wal-Mart employee who gets no additional points. If you are a welfare mother with 5 kids, you actually loose a point.

Personally I think it’s a pretty good idea. It makes sense that the person who is potentially more knowledgeable on the subject have more say in it.

Category: Comedy | Tags: Meritocracy, Point based electorate, politics // 6 Comments »

Well…preferably more sex but…more importantly (at least for this piece)…better sperm!

Having some trouble with your damaged sperm? Well, you’re in luck! I have a solution!

Have more sex!

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Category: News | Tags: Amsterdam, babies, Bill Ledger, damaged sperm, DNA, European Society of Human Reproduction & Embryology, gynecology, infertility, James Coan, obstetrics, relationship, sex, sperm, stress, University of Virginia // 5 Comments »

If you’ll recall on my previous adventures of going to work, my tire blew out more than Courtney Love in one night. Okay, maybe not THAT bad, but the little misadventure that followed showed that cars are EVIL. They can break down anywhere, anytime, anyhow. You’d think I would’ve learned from this. Or perhaps, you’d think I would’ve earned a peaceful respite from all that fallacy. PUNY MORTAL YOU SHALL KNOW PSYCHOLOGICAL PAIN.
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Category: Comedy, Rants | // 5 Comments »